5 February 2011

OK. So here it is...

... I'm confused.
I have so many different ideas and thoughts and goals and dreams that I dont really know what I want to acheive first. And because of that I flit back and forth dabling in a bit of each and everything, but never quite making an indent in any of the things I want to achieve.

What I have come to realise is. I am not the only one like this. It is, from what I can tell, pretty darn normal. I've never really known what I want to do, and I'm now 30. plodding along in an office job, without the confidence to get off the treadmill and head towards, or even discover what I really want to do. But I know that I do not feel fulfilled with how things are at the moment. I need to find a way to balance paying the bills with finding out/doing what I really want.

Its hard. And I guess thats really why I started this blog. to try and gain some focus, some direction.

As always, my brain flits from one idea/notion to another. I think I need to break things down, not let so many things take over my life and thoughts.

These things I know I want... I know I want to lose weight and be healthier... but this is not the be all and end all. so while I need to concentrate on it. I dont need it to take over. I just needs to become a normal part of my daily routine.
I know I want to 'sort out' our home and garden. and I do love interior design. I feel actual joy when I walk into a beautiful room, read an interior design magazine or see some beautiful architcture. But instead of thinking 'we need to do the whole house!!. I just need to concentrate on one room at a time. enjoy the process. Not treat it like a chore.
and finally, I know I want to have more time to do the things I love. I love looking at fashion. I might not be the most stylish person on the planet, I am often late in discovering new trends, or I decide I love them long after everyone else has 'been there done that' Who cares! It makes me happy. I love photography. I need to find the confidence to get back out and taking photographs again. and I love learning. My Saturdays are going to be dedicated to doing things I love. Darren is out most of the day at work & football. so this is the time I shall use to study, photograph and generally just take some time to spend on my 'hobbies'

I hope this makes some sense, I'm going to put real effort into being less erratic with my blogging, and the things I blog about! :) I also hope that you'll all bear with me and continue on this journey with me.

and if your in a similar place to me. Let me know. we could perhaps help each other along!

Hope your all having wonderful weekends.
Love from a confused (but soon to be focussed) lady! x


Emmie Bear said...

Jules. We are SO alike its quite scary!
And weird as it sounds, this post has made me feel a little better. I always thought that you kinda had you're life pretty much sorted. You got the bloke, the house which you're sorting out how you want it. I always thought you knew what you wanted to do or.. in generaly what you wanted to do (art related stuff)
I get a bit flustered too alot of the time. Mostly I just get into a frenzy and just put up with it, until I get miserable and have to do something to help me focus.

Have you made a business plan? I kinda have. Its not really a business plan. Just some quick notes on the comp with small stages. Like - stage 1, make fimo earrings and see if they sell. stage 2 - if they do, make more and also make them into necklaces. Stage 3 - make designs for dresses and everything else i'd like to add. Stage 4 - when course is completed, practice making things untill confident. Start with small things like clutch bags.

blah blah.. it helped.

Also, I've had to buy a fashion mag for my course. Its got pages missing where i've cut stuff out but you can borrow it to look through if you want and i can send you messages and things about what i find out while i'm doing the course, if you want. Maybe one day I could pass you some of the course material and you could have a read through.
Anyway, stop talking Emily!

Jules x said...

Em's you silly little monkey. I dont have a clue what I am doing half of the time.
I know I dont want to be doing what I am doing now, but figuring out what I want to do... thats another ball game entirely! :)
definitely keep me updated on what your doing in the course. I'll know what skills I can use to make me some fabulous things then ;)
Ive not made a business plan. not until I know exactly what it is I want to do. at the moment I am just going with the flow, and working things out as I go along. xx